President Banda’s challenge
One haunting sentence from the Mandela story, which brought tears to my eyes the first time I read it and which has continued to move me each time I have come across that newspaper clipping in my files, was something President Nelson Mandela said 17 years ago.
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Describing his life with his wife, Winnie, after his release from prison, he said: “I was the loneliest man during the period I stayed with her.”
The Madiba’s poignant words underscored sharply for me the difference between public perception and the ironic reality of some situations. He was “the loneliest man” at a time when millions, men and women, would have given their all to be close to him?
The pictures of the two Mandela wives, ‘Mama’ Winnie Madikizela-Mandela and ‘Mama’ Graca Machel in tears and comforting each other at the funeral of President Mandela, who died on December 5, aged 95, are compelling images. Doubtlessly, they will stay with many people for a long time. The two women united by their grief, Winnie, whom he married in 1958, and Graca, who became his wife on his 80th birthday in 1998.
On February 11, 1990 as Mr. Mandela and Winnie walked hand in hand through the ecstatic crowds waiting to welcome him and celebrate his release after 27 years of a life sentence, that iconic image of their clenched fists in the air enthralling people worldwide, one could only think that they were walking back into happiness.
We sighed in relief, for at long last our beloved couple were reunited and they could pick up the pieces of their lives so cruelly interrupted in 1964. We had no reason to think otherwise. How wrong we were!
The truth began to emerge when in April 1992, two years after his release, the couple separated formally and in 1994, Mr Mandela won elections to become South Africa’s first democratically elected President. I recall that when news of the separation broke out, there was a huge wave of very negative comments, even anger directed at Mr Mandela because people saw it as ingratitude of the highest order.
Furious questions were being asked: Was that the way to reward Winnie, after all the hardships she had endured because of him? Winnie Mandela was a global heroine and people refused to believe that she could be at fault in any way. Feminists and sympathisers all over the world spoke out on her behalf.
It was not until the divorce proceedings began in 1996 in the Rand Supreme Court in Johannesburg, that I, for one, understood the stance of President Mandela. As The Independent newspaper of the UK reported in its issue of Tuesday, March 19, 1996:
Mr Mandela’s lawyer, Wim Trengove, argued that the President’s marriage was beyond repair. He said Mr Mandela rejected his estranged wife’s assertion that any arbitration could bring the two back together. There was, Mr Trengove said, simply nothing to salvage.
But it took the man himself to bring home that message. Composed but visibly sorrowful, Mr Mandela (told the court that) she made him feel humiliated and lonely. “Ever since I came back from prison, not once has the defendant ever entered our bedroom while I was awake.
“The bedroom is where a man and woman discuss the most intimate details. There were so many things I wanted to discuss with her.... I was the loneliest man during the period I stayed with her.”
Mr Mandela told the court that it was her “brazen conduct” which convinced him to end the marriage. He then recounted how in August 1992 he was given a letter supposedly written by Mrs Mandela which confirmed his suspicions of her infidelity with a young lawyer from the African National Congress.
Mr Mandela told (the packed) court: “If the entire universe persuaded me to reconcile with the defendant I would not ... I am determined to get rid of the marriage.”
And yet, this is the person whose best known attribute was forgiveness. As his friend, the famous writer Dr Maya Angelou put it in her tribute: “Nelson Mandela’s greatest gift to the world was his ability to forgive.” And President Joyce Banda of Malawi, Chair of the Southern Africa Development Community echoed similar sentiments when she spoke at the funeral last Sunday.
Memorably, President Banda stated, to thunderous applause, that because of Madiba’s example, “I learned that leadership is about falling in love with the people you serve and the people falling in love with you.”
Everybody who has spoken about President Mandela has focused on his agenda of reconciliation, unifying the society, and forgiveness. And yet, evidently there was a ‘beyond pardon’ hurt that he held against Winnie; arguably that was the Achilles heel of the Nobel Peace Prize laureate.
But maybe it wasn’t even her relationship with another man that he could not forgive considering the years of absence and the hardship – but rather the fact that after his release Winnie denied him the intimacy and warmth he had no doubt looked forward to during all those years of separation.
The most painful ‘cut’ of all must have been the rejection. This is borne out by the chilling finality of “If the entire universe persuaded me to reconcile with the defendant I would not ... I am determined to get rid of the marriage.”
However, the speeches at the funeral showed that, regardless, South Africa and the global community mostly still hold Mama Winnie in high esteem for the courageous, defiant role she played in keeping the struggle flame burning during her husband’s imprisonment.
Watching the funeral on TV, one wondered what the two Mamas in the front row were thinking about the future as they sat there, seemingly lost in thought, listening to the eulogies about the man they had both loved, each having been such a crucial partner during important periods of his life.
And if that question was on the minds of those who had the privilege of watching them at close quarters during the funeral, it took the boldness and perceptiveness of President Joyce Banda of Malawi to voice it:
“As an African woman and leader, I wish to acknowledge Mama Winnie Madikizela-Mandela for her efforts and steadfastness for standing with Tata Mandela before and during Tata’s imprisonment and for being in the forefront of ANC’s struggle for liberation.
“And to you, Mama Graca Machel, I wish to thank you for your visible love and care especially during Tata’s last days.
“To both of you, the love and tolerance you have demonstrated before the whole world during the funeral has shown us that you are prepared to continue with Tata’s ideals.”
It would be a wonderful ending to the story if the two exceptional Mamas, who both can claim special places in President Mandela’s life and heart, could jointly work to sustain the Mandela legacy by accepting the challenge so diplomatically thrown to them by President Joyce Banda.